Easy Dating Tips: October 2015

Saturday, October 31, 2015

How to Get Rid of a Break-Up Emotion

Everyone experiences a break up at some point in life. Break ups are always emotional whether the couple is married, in a long-term relationship or have only been dating for a few months. No matter how amicable the break up, one person is bound to feel extremely hurt by the loss or termination of the relationship. Break ups make you feel like your world has been torn apart, leaving you to put together the pieces. With time and patience, you can get over your break up and move on with your life.

Instructions

Allow yourself time to grieve. It is perfectly normal to have extreme feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, anxiety and loss after a break up. Be patient with yourself. Do not rush yourself into thinking that you are over the break up, if you truly are not. Ignoring your emotions will only prolong the healing process. So, grab a tissue, have a good cry and let it out. Do not become frustrated with yourself, if you find that you still feel the pain weeks or even months later. Trust in the fact that time does heal and allow time to do its job.

Do not keep your feelings bottled up. Find a supportive group of friends to talk with about your break up. Talking to others who may have gone through what you are experiencing will help you realize that you are not alone. If you do not feel comfortable talking to your friends or family, keep a journal. Write your feelings down, reflect on the good and bad of your relationship and share your fears about your future now that the relationship no longer exists. Keeping a journal is a good outlet for your emotions, and it may help you to express thoughts that are too personal to share with someone else. You can even write a letter to your ex in your journal, expressing how you feel about the way the relationship ended. This is particularly helpful, if you did not get the closure you needed.

Make new friends. You may feel like you lost your social network when your relationship went sour. Expanding your social circle will help you cope with the loss of friends who may have chosen your ex's side during the break up.

Explore your interests. Do not spend all of your time in the house. This will only allow you to wallow in the pain. Get up and get out. Take a cooking class, go hiking or take a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go. Take time to do activities that make you happy. In the process, you will reconnect with yourself, make new friends and may even find a new love interest.

Seek professional help, if you need it. If you have overwhelming feelings of depression or sadness, talking with a grief counselor or joining a support group may be helpful. Do not be embarrassed, if you need help or additional support. Break ups are hard, but you do not need to go through the break-up emotion and healing process alone.

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Thursday, October 29, 2015

How to Heal From Betrayal With Journaling

Sometimes our life experiences are just too painful to process right away and leave us with significant emotional scars.This may be particularly true if you experienced betrayal by a close friend or partner, which is not only hurtful but shocking as well. While the pain of the betrayal may be great, you may also be dealing with losing that person in your life. Journaling, or writing in a journal, can help you to work through what happened, understand your emotions and take steps to move forward.

Instructions

Find a place where you feel comfortable to write. Avoid places where you fear others may be looking over your shoulder--you want to express yourself as freely as possible and can only do this when you feel free to do so.

Write the entire story in your journal. Getting out the details will help you to see things more clearly, rather than just focusing on what happened in general. If your wife cheated, for instance, start with when you first suspected or even when you first met. Leave no detail out regarding the process of the betrayal, moving from how you first began to trust this person to when he betrayed you. When you are finished you can reread it and see how your perception may have blinded you to his actions or even how well he covered his transgressions against you. Remember, this is a learning process, so treat it as an opportunity to learn about yourself, as well.

Write whatever comes to mind, rather than setting up guidelines for what you will write about. Rather than writing, for example, that your best friend lied to you just because that was the cause of the problem, write about the good times you had if that is what is really on your mind. Never limit what you write in your journal.

Be candid and avoid censoring yourself. If you want to call your friend a name, for example, but feel it is inappropriate, write it in your journal. Remaining true to your feelings will help you to sort through the complex emotions you may be experiencing, No one is reading your thoughts, so feel free to write whatever you want.

Address any feelings of guilt, blame or fault you may feel in causing your friend or partner to betray you. For example, if you feel like your husband would not have cheated if you were home more often, write that. Once you have addressed that these are your feelings, identify the areas where you can and cannot accept guilt or blame for the betrayal. Reread your story and look for signals that this was someone else's problem and had nothing to do with you.

Write how you want to feel again. Often, betrayal makes us feel as though we were not worth the other person's honesty or faithfulness, which can affect our self-esteem. Journal how you used to feel before the betrayal and what you believe it would take to get back to that place. Make a list of things you will do in order to accomplish your goal of regaining yourself again.

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Wednesday, October 28, 2015

How to Break Up with Someone as Painlessly as Possible

Breaking up with someone is never easy, and the longer you've been dating, the harder it is. Here are some ways you can make it as least painful as possible for the other person when breaking up with him or her.

Instructions

Choose the right location for a break-up. If you do it at your house, you may make it more uncomfortable for your soon-to-be ex because it is your domain and when you are finished telling them your relationship is over, you will be effectively kicking them out of your home. If you do it at their house, it may make it easier because you are the one who is physically leaving. If you wish, you may initiate the break-up in a neutral location, such as a cafe.

Be kind and don't be cruel--Elvis had it right. Break-ups are obviously much harder for the person being dumped. Don't make any speeches about all the things you dislike about the person, because it will make them feel even worse and won't really have any advantages. After you break up, you won't have to deal with them again (hopefully) so blowing off steam, so to speak, is fruitless.

Keep things brief and to the point. Don't go into lengthy explanations if you can avoid it. The person will likely want to know what he or she did to make you reach your decision to end your relationship. State your argument as simply and briefly as possible and don't play psychiatrist -- it is not your responsibility to make him or her a better person or solve all their problems with a break-up speech.

Do it in person: If you respect the person, it is much better to break up with them face-to-face than over a phone call, or a cellphone text, or through email or through a messaging program. It is the most difficult way but it is also the most mature method.

Make a mental note of any possessions you wish them to return to you or any of theirs that you currently possess and exchange them after you tell them your relationship is over. It is the right thing to do.

Ensure a clean break. it is much healthier to avoid contact with the person after a break-up, at least for several months, to avoid giving a sense of false hope that you two will reconcile.

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Sunday, October 25, 2015

How to Leave Your Mate

Breaking up with your partner may be necessary if you feel the relationship is no longer functioning correctly, or you've decided that you want different things in your life. Although breakups are notoriously difficult and tricky, they're an important aspect of dating and finding the best partner for you. At the same time, it'll only be doing a disservice to your partner if you choose to continue the relationship only because you're too worried about ending it. Fortunately, breakups can be accomplished fairly straightforwardly with confidence and preparation.

Instructions

Decide why you'd like to leave your partner. This is important for several reasons. First, it'll provide you with resolve and confidence. Breaking up can be a long and difficult process, and unless you're absolutely sure about your decision, it's likely that you'll be struck by feelings of doubt and anxiety during the breakup. Secondly, your partner may ask questions during the breakup -- although you shouldn't try to hurt feelings unnecessarily, it's important that you have several truthful reasons for why you want to end the relationship.

Choose where and when the conversation will take place. This should be in a secluded setting, where neither of you will be bothered for an extended period of time. Don't schedule anything to take place immediately after the breakup -- it'll appear insensitive if you rush off prematurely because you have other things to do.

Tell your partner that you'd like to speak with him or her at the specific time and place.

Be direct. Tell your mate that you'd like to end the relationship. Be forthright about this, and don't beat around the bush; indecisiveness may encourage your partner to try to change your mind, which can create more tension and hurt feelings than necessary.

End contact with your partner for the foreseeable future. You need to make a "clean break" where your ex will be able to have time away from you. Trying to become friends immediately after a breakup is likely to just create more hurt feelings in the long term, unless the breakup turns out to be mutual.

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