Easy Dating Tips: April 2015

Thursday, April 30, 2015

How to Avoid Becoming a Psycho Ex

You can become a psycho ex without you knowing exactly how it started. But no matter what sequence of events got a person to that stage, the inevitable reality is that it will become an embarrassing, tiring and painful experience. It's worth trying to prevent becoming a psycho ex for a number of reasons, not the least of which is thousand of dollars in saved therapy bills.

Instructions

Make the breakup worthwhile. Look at the relationship breakup as an opportunity to express all those little, and maybe big, things that you've been saving since the beginning of the relationship. Getting these things out will prevent you from building up excess anger or passion that can easily set off a psycho ex chain of events.

Avoid temptation. The road to becoming a psycho ex is a slippery slope, so don't allow yourself even an ounce of indulgence. Should you make the one little phone call? No. Maybe just a simple email? Absolutely not. You need time to move on before you can continue interacting with the ex if you are going to successfully prevent yourself from going psycho.

Forget memento-burning rituals and other weird ceremonies. Burning photos, stuffed animals and other relationship reminders is not a great way to kick off your independence. If you have some stuff that belongs to your ex, send it back by mail. This is guaranteed to have a greater impact on your ex than it will on you. As for the other stuff, just throw it away. Making a witch's brew out of it is not going to help you, and it certainly won't prevent you from becoming a psycho ex.

Get a hobby and go on a date. One of the most important steps to avoid becoming a psycho ex is to change your routine, which was previously very dependent on the ex. Sign up for an exercise class, for example, to get yourself into great shape so you can start dating some hot new people. This is one of the easiest and most fun ways to prevent yourself from becoming a psycho ex.

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How to Stand Your Ground in a Relationship

You may be feeling that lately your partner walks all over you in the relationships, or doesn't value your opinion on certain matters. When you start to sense that you are being discounted by your partner it's time to take a stand and hold your ground. Being passive is not going to get you what you want out of the relationship, and in the end you might get to a point where you start feeling resentful towards the other person. To keep a relationship strong and healthy, learn how to stand your ground.

Instructions

Speak up in a calm, but stern, manner. Tell your significant other how something makes you feel or what your opinion is about something. Do not stay quiet and allow your partner to make all of the decisions or call all the shots when it comes to your relationship. Avoid giving your partner directives or commands, as this is not part of standing your ground, but rather falls into the category of being controlling.

Defend your values, morals, ethics and religious or spiritual beliefs. Explain why something bothers you from a moral or ethical standpoint, quote a religious text or tell your partner that you have a certain set of values that cause you to feel differently about a situation and that requires you to stand your ground.

Establish your boundaries. Set reasonable parameters for your comfort and explain them to the other person. Your significant other will never know what your boundaries are unless you make them known.

Learn how to say no in the relationship. While it is important to compromise as a couple, you should not put yourself in situations that make you feel vulnerable, taken advantage of or cheated out of an opinion.

Use specific examples if you are standing your ground in regard to something that your partner does. If you don't like the fact that your significant other tells you what to do, insults you in front of friends or checks your phone when you aren't looking, provide specific instances and examples of this behavior to support your defense as you stand your ground.

Do not make the other person feel badly. Standing your ground is not the same as belittling or demeaning the other person. You can still approach standing your ground from a place of love, and this does not have to be a hurtful process.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

How to Heal Abandonment Issues Within a Relationship

Fears of abandonment can bring out a sad, needy inner child in any adult. When you are in a relationship with a person who is battling abandonment issues, his problems can seem overwhelming and impossible to conquer. Several steps can be taken to heal a relationship and banish your partner's fears.

Instructions

Be there for your partner. If you have become aware of your loved one's past problems with abandonment, it is often because she felt secure enough to open up to you and reveal her emotional wounds. Nurture your partner and be available to listen. Be a reliable, nonjudgmental source of strength. Sometimes her emotional outbursts can be difficult to handle, but try not to take the things she does out of fear of abandonment, rejection or loss personally.

Help your loved one find the source of his abandonment issues. Often these fears of loss, rejection and physical or emotional abandonment originate in childhood. Divorce, being given up for adoption, placement in the foster care system, emotional abuse, a sibling who was favored, an unexpected breakup or death can all create feelings of abandonment. Even though it may be difficult, get the person talking about the hurtful events that happened to him and how they made him feel. Help your loved one weed out false beliefs that may have come from these situations, such as blaming himself for a parent's drug use or the death of a favorite grandparent.

Seek professional help. The emotional and mental anguish of a loved one is not for the partner to carry alone. Just because you love this person does not mean you have all the tools to help her on your own. Licensed counselors and psychiatrists have been trained extensively to help people with abandonment issues. Go to counseling with your partner to rebuild your relationship and learn how to help her. Just as a person would go to a doctor to deal with a chronic condition such as diabetes, a person with deep abandonment issues sometimes needs help from a professional to heal.

Don't let your partner's issues consume your life. If, in a moment of emotional pain, he lashes out verbally or physically, you do not have to be the target. Establish boundaries, and if need be, space. It is important to be there for your partner, but not at the risk of your own mental health and well-being. It is crucial to let your loved one know that his treatment of you is unacceptable and hurtful. He needs to be aware of his behavior to change it and get better. If you treat yourself with dignity and respect, this will teach your partner to treat himself the same way.

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How to Mend a Broken Heart

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially. These suggestions may help you navigate the painfully troubled waters of a relationship that has ended and help you heal a broken heart.

Instructions

Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.

Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."

Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.

Week 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk. Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music. Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift. Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it. Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.

Week 2: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade. Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping. Resist the urge to call your ex.

Week 3: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship? Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. Resist the urge to call your ex. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.

Week 4: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain. Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships. Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.

Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.

Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.

Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.

Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."

Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.

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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How to Find out if an Ex Is Still in Love

A relationship is complicated enough, but trying to find out if your ex is still in love with you after a breakup takes things to a whole new level. If you want to know whether he still has feelings for you, there are a few things you can do test the waters. With a few hints and some sneaky maneuvers, you may find yourself on the way to reconciliation.

Instructions

Show up with another girl on your arm. If she still cares for you, you'll definitely get a reaction out of her. She could act jealous and angry toward the new girl, or she may go out of her way to flirt with every guy in the room. Either way, you'll know she still wants you.

Dress to impress. If you know that you may run into him at a friend's party, go out of your way to look smokin' hot. Buy a new outfit, get your hair done and wear some sexy new shoes. If he wants you back, he'll compliment you on how good you look. If he isn't interested, you won't get a second glance.

Pay attention to where she spends her free time. If she goes out of her way to watch your basketball games at the park or tries to be at the same social events you attend, chances are she's still in love with you.

Ask. Communication is the most direct method to find out if your ex is still in love with you. Find a quiet place to talk, and ask him how he feels about the breakup. If he says he regrets the decision, or how much he misses you, then you can rest assured that he still has feelings for you.

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