Easy Dating Tips: January 2015

Monday, January 26, 2015

Age Difference Between Couples

The new rules for May/December romances allow both sexes to date and marry partners many years older or younger than themselves. While society is more accepting, there are pitfalls that can be avoided with a little preparation and a lot of communication.

It is still more acceptable for men to date or marry younger women than the other way around, but there is wider acceptance of all arrangements these days. The real issue isn't acceptance, it is communication. Don't be afraid to express concerns and talk about them openly in the relationship. Sexuality, tastes in music, even bed times, can be affected by age, so make sure you and your partner agree on the basics of a lifestyle that can make you both happy.

Share sunsets with someone you really want to be with, not just someone who is socially acceptable.

What is the reason you are attracted to someone of a different generation. Tell yourself the truth, and you will be much more relaxed about expressing your choices. This self-awareness translates into genuineness in the relationship.

Share each other's music, tastes and experiences as a celebration of your age differences.

Instead of letting age differences be a problem, let them be a part of the richness. Your perspective may be much different than your partner's, but that can be a plus if you both appreciate it. Avoid a situation where you are afraid to mention a music group or event that shows your age. Bring it up boldly, and your partner will grow in appreciation of your perspective.

Judgmental family members can cause stress, so head it off by being open and honest about your relationship and your intentions.

You don't have to ask each other's families for permission to be together, but you can respect them and be very open about answering their questions. Tell them you don't intend to offend, but love strikes where it will and you would appreciate them making it as easy as possible for the two of you to grow together.

Falling in love doesn't have to mean sinking into debt.

When one partner is approaching retirement well before the other partner, investing and spending preferences can cause strife. This can be especially true if the older partner is financially better off than the younger one. Make your financial goals and preferences crystal clear, and leave room for your partner to make decisions about her own preferences. You can build a financial future together and also have separate funds that you use at your own discretion. Mutual debt can cause dissention, so make your debt tolerance clear, and don't be timid even if it is due to your age.

Plan together time where you simply enjoy each other instead of working on age issues.

Whatever the reason for the attraction, the two of you didn't find age to be a problem in the beginning. Don't let dealing with inevitable issues occupy all your time. Spend a lot of time just having the relationship instead of always working on it, and save the age issues for your spare time. Enjoying yourselves makes the disagreements and compromises worth it.

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Saturday, January 24, 2015

Healthy Ways to Cope With Jealousy

Jealousy is a natural part of almost any relationship. It doesn't necessarily have to be rational (indeed, it usually isn't), and if you feel jealous this doesn't mean that you're somehow a lesser person. The mark of your worth as a person is less in the presence of jealousy and more in how you deal with it and express it. If you start fights, act irrationally and generally let the jealousy control you, then you are not dealing with it in a healthy way. If, however, you can express it in different ways, then you can mitigate its effects on your relationship.

If you see your significant other talking to someone and he looks like he's being (in your mind) overly flirtatious, relax and take a minute before you say or do something. However, this is easier said than done. Rather than just try to relax, you should distract yourself -- talk to someone else, or occupy yourself with something else. If you have to focus on something unrelated to your significant other you will not be able to focus on how he is making you feel, which will put the jealous feelings to the side.

It is acceptable to talk about jealousy with your significant other, as long as it is in a rational manner. If, for example, you and your partner are out for the evening and you feel like she has been overly flirtatious with other men, you should bring this up when you get home. If you do so in a private setting it is easier to have a calm, rational discussion about it rather than a public, irrational fight.

Jealousy ultimately comes from within. If you feel jealous, it is more because you have low self-esteem and, at some level, don't believe that your significant other could want to be with you. You can boost your self-esteem by spending time doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Take on a special project at work, take up a hobby, or do essentially anything that reminds you that you are a high-quality person who deserves your partner's love and affection.

Give yourself some perspective by pretending a friend has come to you with the same problem you are facing with your significant other. Try to think of what you would say to your friend; you will often find that when you are looking at these situations from an outside perspective their irrationality and general absurdity come into sharp focus. By highlighting these irrationalities you can better understand the reality of the situation and let your jealousy go.

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Thursday, January 22, 2015

How to Help My Boyfriend With Anger

Some men -- and women, for that matter -- have a hard time controlling their anger. If your boyfriend is one of these people, you can help him get it under control. This will help both your relationship and his life in general, as displays of anger are usually frowned upon in job environments, family environments and essentially everywhere else. To change his behavior, you need to encourage good behavior and discourage poor behavior, although this does not mean treating him like a child.

Instructions

Ask him to talk about his anger when he's calm. This is a good thing to do when there is no anger or tension, as it is difficult to talk about your anger when it is actually affecting you. So, if you're at dinner or just spending time together, ask him what has made him angry recently. The act of expressing himself will help him get past his anger.

Propose solutions to things when he is angry. This will help him move through his anger by actually addressing the source of it. So, if he is getting frustrated at the fact that his computer won't work, and you see an easy solution, show him. He may have a hard time seeing it because he's too upset, so if you can show him a good solution to his problem, he will have an easier time dealing with it.

Remove him from situations when he's angry. You don't need to be explicit about this; rather, just say something like "Can you help me over here?" This is a good way to deal with anger and the situations it causes because it gives everyone involved a time out to take a breath and get some perspective.

Encourage him to visualize relaxing experiences by describing them to him. Memories that you know he will enjoy are good, because they are things that only you will know about. So, if you reminisce about a particularly good time you had with him, you will help to dissipate his anger.

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Saturday, January 17, 2015

How to Get Over a Broken Heart Fast

You would make a fortune if you could bottle something that could help people get over a broken heart fast. A broken heart is painful, and like an illness, it needs to run its course. But there are things you can do to speed up this process, and it starts with you realizing that you are not alone. There are many others who are nursing a broken heart. It is an unfortunate part of being human and will pass.

Instructions

Talk to a close family member or friend. You need a shoulder, someone who will listen and be there for you. Be honest with your feelings, or being consoled will not help. Don't use your friend to analyze what went wrong at this point. Right now it is just about easing the pain. It is fine to cry, and that is what your friend is there for. Grab a box of tissues and go for it.

Don't lie in bed feeling miserable. Get up in the morning, shower and go about your daily life. It will help you get your mind off the breakup.

Start looking for the pluses in the breakup. Maybe you don't have to do his laundry anymore, or you can meet your friends without feeling guilty, or you don't have to spend holidays with relatives of your sweetheart who never seemed to like you. If it makes you feel better, make a list of the negative things in the relationship that are no longer an issue.

Be strong and do not give into the temptation to drive by his house or call him just to hear his voice. Instead, do things for yourself. Make it a goal to do something pleasurable every day. See a movie, go to a museum, have dinner with friends or visit your grandma. Doing things that you enjoy instead of stalking your ex will help you move forward.

It sounds like advice your mother would give you, but get up and exercise. Activity releases endorphins in the brain that elevate your mood. A nice brisk walk every day can do the trick.

Once you start feeling a little bit better make another list, this time of the things you wanted to do but could not while you were in your relationship. These can be small things, such as eating at a steak house that you avoided because your ex was a vegetarian. Or they can be big things, such as traveling to a foreign country your ex never wanted to visit. Start doing those things, and relish them.

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