How to Get Closure with Exes

While some relationships naturally conclude -- and both parties walk away, able to move on -- others end on ambiguous terms. If you feel a relationship ended in a way that makes it difficult to put the experience behind you, pursue closure so you can have healthier relationships in the future.

Instructions

1

Write down your thoughts and feelings about the relationship and examine why it ended. Include the whole story of the relationship and describe your emotions leading up to the end. Expressing your feelings in writing may help you to accept them. Read the piece back to yourself when you have occasional doubts about why the relationship ended.

2

Spend time with friends and family doing things you enjoy. This helps you take a break from thinking about your ex or dwelling on why the two of you broke up. This can help bring about closure because it starts the process of moving on with your life and enjoying time without your ex. Keeping your calendar filled with other activities can help prevent you from being mired in the past.

3

Talk to a therapist to help deal with depression or sadness you experience from the unresolved relationship. In addition to counseling, a therapist can identify unhealthy dating habits you may have and may help you prevent making similar mistakes in the future.

4

Date other people on a casual level to get out of the house and enjoy other people's company. Avoid getting into a serious relationship too soon after separating from your ex, as you may be unprepared for a serious commitment -- particularly if you're nursing wounds from an unresolved relationship.

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How Do I Manage Conflict in a Romantic Relationship?

Every romantic relationship has trouble every now and again. Whether your conflict stems from differences in needs, desires, beliefs or opinions, couples must rely on each other to get through life's issues, large and small. Romantic conflict can be a sign of anger in one partner or both and can be made into a positive if handled appropriately. While conflict is unavoidable, it can be managed with patience and understanding.

Instructions

1

Make yourself available. If you sense something is wrong, don't avoid the situation. Dodging the issue will only make conflict worse and anger your significant other.

2

Acknowledge and admit why you may be upset. Talking through your feelings can help prevent an explosive verbal fight in the future. Don't assume your partner will know what's wrong just by your body language or insinuations.

3

Listen to your partner. Conflict can occur simply because you've misunderstood your significant other. When appropriate, ask questions and show both an interest and comprehension.

4

Try to see the issue from the other person's point of view. Being empathetic can help you to understand why or how you're acting a certain way.

5

Keep your cool. Yelling or saying things you don't mean will only deepen the conflict between you and your significant other.

6

Apologize when necessary and be prepared to make up. If you are the member at fault, saying you're sorry can drastically alter the tension between you.

7

Agree on what to do about your conflict. If one or both partners needs an attitude adjustment or to eliminate a disagreeable behavior, discuss a variety of options on how you both can change. Find a solution that is acceptable to both parties and plan ways to avoid conflict in the future.

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How to End a Long Distance Relationship

A long distance relationship can be very difficult to maintain. Eventually, the time may come when you feel the need to break it off. This will undoubtedly be a difficult time for both you and the other person in the relationship. It's important that that you handle this situation the right way.

Instructions

1

Think about everything that you want to say before actually contacting the person. Once you decide that it's time to end the long distance relationship, it's important that you reflect on everything you want to tell your significant other. Write notes down if it will help you remember all that you want to say. While you don't want to read a script when ending the long distance relationship, notes can help you say everything you're thinking without leaving anything out.

2

Call the person to end the long distance relationship. Many people may find it easier to end a long distance relationship via email, instant message or even snail mail. This is nothing but cowardly. There is no questioning that the phone call is going to be difficult. It's still important that you have a real conversation with the person you've been in a long distance relationship with as this will give the both of you better closure.

3

Make sure that both of you have plenty of time to talk before beginning the conversation. Having this talk before one of you is about to go to work, study for an exam or simply step out for awhile is not a good idea. If the person tells you that he or she cannot really talk at the moment, explain that the two of you need to have a talk sometime soon.

4

Begin by explaining how you came to the decision that it was time to end the long distance relationship. Talk about how things have been in the relationship lately and why there have been problems. Be brutally honest if necessary. It's important that you bring up the bad parts of the relationship as these are the reasons for ending the long distance relationship.

5

Listen to everything the other person has to say. After you've said your part, the person on the other end of the line will want to respond. It's only fair that you allow him or her to talk without interruptions. After all, chances are that you don't hate the person with whom you've been in a long distance relationship. This back and forth conversation could be a way that the two of you keep a friendship.

6

Stand your ground when it comes to ending the long distance relationship. Many times, people cave when having this conversation, due to the other person pleading for the life of the relationship. This can be very awkward and difficult for you but it's important that you remember why you made this call in the first place. Be firm and even repeat yourself to get your points across if necessary.

7

Take some time from talking to one another after you've ended the long distance relationship. After you've ended the long distance relationship, it's important that the two of you don't continue talking everyday, at least not for awhile. Give each other some space to find life outside of the relationship now that it's over. It may be weird and even difficult at first but it will be beneficial for both of you in the end.

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How to Congratulate Your Ex When He Gets Engaged

For whatever reason, you and your ex weren't destined to be together. Depending if you were the dumper or the dumpee, your emotions can vary when you discover he's engaged. If you were the dumper, you may feel relieved and happy that he's found someone that he can spend his life with. On the other hand, if you were the dumpee, you may feel shock and jealousy upon discovering his engagement. Regardless of how you feel, acknowledge the engagement in a way that feels comfortable to you.

Instructions

1

Think about your purpose in sending congratulations to your ex. Ask yourself if you sincerely want to congratulate him or if you have ulterior motives. Ask yourself if you only want to reopen the lines of communication because you believe he's engaged to the wrong person and you want him back.

2

Write a short and sweet handwritten note. Write "Wish you all the best on your pending nuptials. I'm truly happy for you." Or write "Congratulations, I heard from a mutual friend that you are going to tie the knot. Wish you and your other half the best that life has to offer!" If you are engaged, mention your engagement.

3

Send a greeting card that has congratulations printed on it. If the greeting card has words that express how you feel about the engagement, just sign your name at the bottom. If it's a blank greeting card, write "Congratulations! I wish you the best for the future." A greeting card is a good choice if you don't speak to your ex.

4

Send a Facebook email. If your ex is on Facebook, just send a short message even if he isn't on your friends list. Write "Hey, I heard you are engaged! Congrats!" Facebook is a good way to send congratulations if your ex is frequently on it. If you haven't heard from your ex in a long time, write "Hey, I haven't seen you around in awhile. I heard that you were engaged. Just wanted to say I'm happy for you and congratulations."

5

Be prepared that your ex isn't going to respond to your message. He may have no interest in responding to someone from his past.

6

Congratulate your ex in person. If you are still friends with your ex and it wasn't a bad breakup, this is a good choice. Look your best. If you are nervous, take a deep breath before approaching him to calm your nerves. Avoid showing any signs of jealousy or talking about your failed relationship with him. Tell him how happy you are for him and say congratulations.

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How to Get Over a Long-Term Girlfriend

The end of a long-term relationship is difficult to get over. Some emotions that typically go with breaking up include sadness, anger, fear and loneliness. When a long-term relationship with a girlfriend has ended, it may feel like you will never experience happiness again or you will never have another girlfriend. You must remember that these terrible feelings are temporary and that this experience is part of the normal cycle of life. You need to dust yourself off, get back out into the world and live your life to its fullest, with or without a girlfriend.

Instructions

1

Allow yourself some time to heal. Go easy on yourself and don't expect to be as active as you usually are. It is normal to want to pull back a little from your usual activities and to not feel as social as you usually do. Be very kind to yourself during this initial stage.

2

Take care of yourself during this difficult time. The stress and sadness that results from a breakup will only get worse if you are not good to yourself. Get your body moving and your endorphins activated by exercising. Go outside for a long walk or go running with a friend. Get the proper amount of sleep, which for most people is about seven to eight hours each night. Eat nutritious meals instead of fast food. Do not drown your sorrows in junk food.

3

Talk to someone who has been through the breakup of a long-term relationship. Call a friend or family member who understands what you are going through. Go out for coffee and talk about how you are feeling. Ask for advice if you need it. Do not keep your feelings bottled up inside yourself.

4

Treat yourself to something special. Buy yourself that gadget or computer program or kitchen appliance you have had your eye on. Take a weekend trip with friends to a city you have always wanted to visit.

5

Stop ruminating about your ex-girlfriend. Do not allow yourself to get bogged down by regrets and "what if's" and "if only's." Keep mentally and physically active.

6

Do not contact your former girlfriend by phone, e-mail or text message. You may want to see how she is doing, meet up with her or rehash issues regarding your relationship but this will only keep you in the past and prevent you from moving on with your life and getting over your ex-girlfriend.

7

Find ways to get yourself out of the house and interacting with others. Contact some friends and suggest going out for dinner, drinks or a movie. Do not isolate yourself by staying at home and wallowing in sadness.

8

Join a group to get your mind off of your former long-term girlfriend. Use the Internet to find groups with whom you share interests and through which you can meet new people. Choose from a wide variety of groups such as running groups, kickball groups, meditation groups, singles groups, book club groups, etc. This is a great way to meet new people and perhaps even a new girlfriend.

9

Start dating again when you are ready. You will know when the time is right to get back into the dating scene. This is a very personal decision. The time it takes to get over a former girlfriend varies from person to person. Try online dating sites or place an ad in the "personals" section of your local alternative paper. Continue to get yourself "out there" and meet new people as much as possible. Go to coffee shops and strike up a conversation with someone. Volunteer at a charity event.

10

Seek therapy if you cannot get over your long-term girlfriend. Give yourself some time to experience the sadness that normally results from the breakup of a long-term relationship. This period of mourning is normal. If you are still feeling depressed and just cannot seem to get over the relationship and move on with your life, you may need to consult a professional therapist. Seeking help from a therapist after a relationship ends is very common and nothing to be ashamed of.

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